Tuesday, July 12, 2011


We survived his 2nd birthday without him.Im so sad he wasnt and still not here, everyday i find myself thinkin about the things he would be doing, like crawling and playing with his big sister like they did around the clock.My emotions at night kill me, late nights of crying myself to sleep, sometimes frusteration also especially when my mind starts to think about the night he died.I HATE how that is burned into my brain, its something that will never leave.

We went camping july long weekend with the family, had tons of fun! lexi loved sleeping in the tent in her sleeping bag, shes such an outdoors child i love it! Some of the time i found myself thinking how much nolan would of loved camping too how he would be this 2 year old running around with endless energy, but at the same time he wouldnt be nolie without trisomy 18...he seriously melts everyones heart, even strangers who didnt know him, awhed over his cuteness.gosh i miss him.It's nearly 6 months and for me it seems like time is frozen, as everyone else around me is going on with life i feeel stuck, in a grief of wanting my baby back.So september will be a huge a jump going to school, but i think it's going to help me, its going to get me to where i want to be in life, A Nurse! i cant wait till that chapter in my life.