Today marks the first day that someone has ever came to me on facebook and explained that what we're doing isn't right.That celebrating Nolans 2nd birthday isnt right,that us having his room isnt right,that lexi kissing his urn when she feels isnt right.That how are we ever suppose to move on, yes they said move on! if we dont pack his room away like he never existed.We are trapping our family friends by having his room and celebrating him.A nerve has been hit hard! i thought how dare someone who has never lost a child tell me these things! it hasnt even been 2 months since his passed and they expect me to "move on" i dont even know what the word means! its not like a break up with a friend or girlfriend where you just "MOVE ON"! he was our son who had lived a life with us! 19 months! that we were told we wouldnt have! We are living our life we arent holding back just because we nolan isnt here with us.Im not sitting in his room hours of the day expecting him to come back, its a place i visit 2 times a day, or whenever i just want to be close to him.Whats wrong with that?! it was his room,his crib,his clothes,his pictures,his toys and everything else im not packing him away and just going to forget he even existed, that wouldnt even be healthy! for now his room stays this way its my happy place when i feel lost.Not to mention lexi loves going in there and talking about her brother playing with his toys, im just glad she remembers him this is what we wanted.To me what we are doing is healthy considering its not even been 2 months yet.I will keep his room the way it is for awhile as we are in no rush to have another baby yet there are things in life we want to do, ie school for me and focussing on lexi.Nolan will always have a place in our family and everyones hearts who has touched he was a miracle, what family wouldnt want to celebrate him!
Amanda, just reading your beautiful storys of Nolan this brings me to pooring tears. I dont even know you or talk to you offten but i have more love for you, Nolan and your family than I do for some people i have know my whole life. You ARE an amazing mother. Nolan lived and amazing life filled with LOTS of love and happiness You should never pack that away. Celebrate it a excuse my lang. but FUCK ANYONE who says to just move on. Nolan is still your child here or not he still desirves his memorys shared. Im so sorry you had to experance this loss. I wish you still had him here but GOD needed a hero like Nolan. Celebrate his amazing life and dont let anyone tell you differant most deffenitly not someone who has never even known such a loss!! Riah and I love you Nolan and your family i hope you the best and know if you EVER need to talk Amanda, just reading your beautiful storys of Nolan this brings me to pooring tears. I dont even know you or talk to you offten but i have more love for you, Nolan and your family than I do for some people i have know my whole life. You ARE an amazing mother. Nolan lived and amazing life filled with LOTS of love and happiness You should never pack that away. Celebrate it a excuse my lang. but FUCK ANYONE who says to just move on. Nolan is still your child here or not he still desirves his memorys shared. Im so sorry you had to experance this loss. I wish you still had him here but GOD needed a hero like Nolan. Celebrate his amazing life and dont let anyone tell you differant most deffenitly not someone who has never even known such a loss!! Riah and I love you Nolan and your family i hope you the best and know if you EVER need to talk im only a phone call away!!
ReplyDeleteRIP sweet boy <3<3<3
sorry that^^^^ was not anonoymous it was from me Ashley and Raih!!
ReplyDeleteAs much as I would love to say that I can't believe that someone had the nerve to say that to you, it doesn't surprise me. People can be SO ignorant, especially when they've never known the horrific pain of losing a child. You and your family are handling Nolan's passing better than anyone could expect you to. There is NO shame in remembering your son and celebrating the time you did have with him. He deserves to be remembered and celebrated and anyone who thinks otherwise should keep their heartless, nonsense opinions to themselves as there's a whole army of us standing behind you 100%. It's a terrible feeling when someone makes you feel like your precious child isn't worth remembering.. but just remember that for one jerk that thinks what you're doing is "wrong"... there's a thousand of us that are right there with you, remembering Nolan and his amazing 19 months!! Love ya, hun!
ReplyDelete-Mandi
I still celebrate my son's birthday every year. I never got to bring him home or live a life with me, but I still faithfully take the day off of work and spend that time with my family. There is no such thing as moving on. I will never wake up in the morning and not think of him. And there is no reason that you should have to. It will take time to heal. Allow yourself that time. If it means buying a cake and putting candles in it to make you feel closer to him, then you do it. I've had people tell me that I should move on and my blessing with him has passed. I heard all the cliches to the point where I've literally screamed at people telling them to go to hell for demanding me to move on. I heal (yes, it's present tense because it will always hurt) a little every day, but I will never be able to move on. You do your own journey, and I will be there beside you even though I live clear across the continent from you. I keep Nolan close to my heart.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sad and powerful post. You have always been an amazing advocate for your son and he will never be forgotten. We are a year and a half since losing Oliver and we remember him every day, his blanket is still under my pillow and I have moments where the sadness overpowers me. Remembering Nolan. Shannon (Oliver's mom)
ReplyDeleteAmanda,
ReplyDeleteYour strength and courage during this difficult time has been amazing. I often wonder if I would be able to do what you do if i were in your situation. I don't know if i could be as strong as you have been. I am so happy that you have been able to find comfort in all the amazing things you have done to remember Nolan. I know for myself, I will never forget Nolan even though i only got to meet him a few times he made a huge impact on me and as well the way you have always kept everyone up to date with Nolan's progress, it just feels like I have spent so much more time with him because you allowed us to know him so much more. Don't ever worry about what anyone thinks about the way you are dealing with your loss, you know what you need to do to get through this and you need to do what is best for you and your family and no one should judge you for that. xx Sherry
who would tell you such a thing every one grieves in there own way there is no wrong way.
ReplyDeleteI think of you & remember sweet Nolie so often! You are an amazing family and I'm sorry someone would even be so bold to suggest how you should grieve, let alone for that to be "move on". You are right to know they do not understand. Your Nolie was an amazing boy and had an incredible life and it ABSOLUTELY should be celebrated on birthdays and any time you want. You are not trapping anyone - you are allowing a life to be remembered and honored - as Nolan's is every time you think of him, pick up his things, comfort & explain once again to precious Lexi. Sending great big love to you!
ReplyDeleteMelissa (Noah's mommy)