3 months already :(

(picture was taken about 1 week after nolans gtube surgery and fundo repair he was nearly 13 months old, we almost lost him.Here he is cpap machine a higher flow of oxygen to help open his lungs up)

Yesterday April 21st marked 3 months since Nolie passed away in my arms, the vision of that will never leave my mind.Although peaceful, it was the worst day of my life.For parents who have lost their child, no matter what age knows this pain.It's a pain that stays in your heart forever, and the waves of grief never go away.I find myself watching his videos everyday,looking through his photographs and smelling his clothes.Its the only way find comfort in knowing he lived, and that i did everything i could for him to have a comfortable life as much as possible with little intervention, i believe in treating your child how you would want to be treated in that kind of situation and for me, i would want to be comfortable leaving this world.I think we succeeded in this for Nolan.

His death was beautiful very peaceful even if i was a mess, he knew we were right there and the peace over his little face was a first in over 1 week, he was ready to go and we let him know it was okay even if we were crying.19 months is beyond what we were expecting and i can live with that, nolan lived a happy life and had barely any hospital stays..3 in his 19 months of life is just simply amazing. Doctors are still shocked at how little medical care he required through his journey. He did us proud, and now im planning to do him proud. He's my inspiration to fulfill my dream of nursing.For both my babies. I love my family.