Lately its been hard without Nolan, lexi keeps yelling out for her Nolie.She longs for her baby brother and still doesnt fully understand that nolan wont be comming back into this world, only in the other lifetime(something we havent discussed with her yet) explaining to her that nolie is in a better place where he we will longer get sick is easiest.I have had the worst punch in the stomach feeling, like when knowing you cant hold your baby, or walk into his room to see him in his crib with that big smile that makes everything worth it.Its a knock the wind out of me,dizzy catch my breath feeling something i have never experienced untill i have lost my son.We are doing good, we smile,we laugh we go out and do family things.Theres always that feeling where i feel sad through those times though i so badly wanted nolan to exerience these family activities just like he did when he was here, i know he would of loved fishing with his big sister.Nothing will ever feel the same without him, there will always be a piece of my heart missing in everything i do.I so badly want him in our arms again, i dont want this pain anymore.He really taught us alot during his time, and i cant wait to make him proud and become a nurse! This journey is not easy but its one that we will never forget.
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